Good morning...it's been a long while since my last post. I have no excuses for that...forgetting to Blog and Thank the Lord go hand in hand. Eventhough I do stand still and pray I feel as if my mind is clouded...and you can't be Luke warm you need to be hot and not cold. Today Avriel turns two years old at 11:02 this morning....not even realizing that her party starts at 11...have been so busy and swarmed with other things in life yesterday has been the only day where I stood still and just looked back into my life before she was gifted to us. Alot of you know this but I was not a believer until the moment I held her when she came into this world...
You would think "I gave her everything..I gave her life" to be perfectly honest and in his Word he gave me her...he gave her life...I had no part but to be a vessel for her to grow into life...God gave me that...and she is here to show me he exists...
Lots of people say they have a "story" into their becoming a believer....a job....a love of their life and so on...I may upset some folks but at the same time God wouldn't want me to apologize for he is helping me type out these words...so I'll have at it...stories don't make other people believers...their journeys don't...I am very stubborn and strong willed...and I'm sorry but no one's story has convinced me...but my own that God has written for me. What makes people believers is how those folks whose lives have been changed by God has affected how they treat other people...you can be very brash by pushing his beliefs on a person. That's something I've learned I have several people in my life who aren't open to his faith and trust but that doesn't mean they aren't dealing with their own battles between good and evil...it's not about the battle between being Christian and not..it's a state of trust. Avriel didn't tell me her story..she didn't share her beliefs with me...God has been preparing me for this journey and she is a part of it...a big part...a part of hope and God saying "um..Hello Kristen I'm here...I always have been" it's a feeling of relief when this happens to you.
I'm beyond thankful for what has happened in my life since she has been born...life has changed us into soo many directions...and I don't concern myself with the "what ifs" I don't lay awake at night contemplating all the things I should have done that day...I do say them to my husband but he doesn't scold me or tell me what I should of done he knows God has this handled and this is a battle and conversation he doesn't feel he needs to have. And I cannot tell you how encouraging that is. He is there for support obviously I'm already in battle with myself and I will confront it in my own prayer life. As I'm thinking this through...I want to be even more honest...I give Joe a hard time...I say things that I know are hurtful...we aren't perfect...most of it is out of the feeling of abandonment but it's not his doing its my own letting evil take over my mind and when our minds get taken over our hearts are useless...Joe is a very hard working man...and I tend to let other people's marriages take ahold of my own..we are all dealt with different crossroads..anyway Lord this is my praise to you for my husband...forgiveness is a powerful thing and I choose to forgive right now...on the day our daughter was born...Amen
For Avriel you have been such a blessing to our lives your birth set in motion soo many things...you definitely keep me busy and God knows at this moment you are all I can handle. Have courage and be kind my dear...you are one of the daughters of the King..I will do my do diligence to engulf you in love and spoil you in faith and teach you how powerful and mighty our Lord is. Whether you are the only or God decides you need a brother or a sister. That's not my call. As you grow older in faith, experience and life I'm always here..we may not agree but trust in the Lord and sins forgiven is what we have been given as a the ultimate gift and to be blunt at our time of death we will receive an even bigger gift to stand by him in harmony. Not giving it the Ultimate status yet because in my eyes being in the presence of you and your father is my ultimate gift. I love you soo very much..words don't exist as to my love for you. Baby A you are a firework. With much love enjoy your special day..you have an amazing support system...and thank you Father as I say Amen.
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